#1188 Your Mission - Should you Decide to Accept it
I want to assign you a tough exercise. Most people form an impression in seconds and then spend the rest of their time confirming it. Great communicators consider circumstances, surroundings, stressors, relational dynamics, and the breadth of knowledge the other person may have when forming an impression.
I know that some of the material I offer each week is tedious. I also know that sometimes you want to say what you want to say, the way you want to say it, when you want to say it.
Sometimes you want to look at someone, size them up, and create a backstory for them as they approach you.
What I want is to be your communications whetstone. You're probably doing fine, cutting through the day and getting decent results. Still, for all of us, there are times when the results are less than optimal. I write each week to lessen the bad results and increase our charisma quotient.
In Christian theology, charisma is a spiritual gift, an endowment with extraordinary power. For us, charisma is a personal quality of magnetic charm or appeal that we can develop through specific practices, mainly in how we carry ourselves and listen. The charisma puzzle has dozens of pieces, including our physicality, vocal range, and word choices. We've reviewed many in the 1,000-plus messages that preceded this one.
Going back to the assignment, suspending judgment and allowing for a cavalcade of circumstances marching before and around the person we want to interact with is another piece of that puzzle.
My friend Mike Reddington wrote something in his book, The Disciplined Listening Method, that relates well to today's post. He said, "When you run into an asshole in the morning, he's likely an asshole." When you run into an asshole in the morning, again at lunch, and then another later in the day, you're the asshole."
In each encounter, we need to realize what we bring into it and allow for circumstances beyond what we see with the other person.
I know I don't present my best self after a sleepless night, or if I have a bad tooth, or have had a fight with my wife. Some folks see my circumstance in my posture or tone and patiently work past it; others react. The first, the charismatic folks, douse the flames of my pain with their posture, tone and words, while the reactors are a bellows, coaxing my embers to blazing fire.
It takes a lot of thought and patience to attribute bad behavior to something beyond what is easy to assume, but sometimes, that deeper look allows for greater understanding and a deeper relationship instead of broken communication.
Own Your Sales Gene…