#1187 A Difficult Personality
Today, I want to discuss a personality type you have likely encountered. Whether at work or with a family member, it is essential to recognize these types and have a strategy for dealing with them.
If we all walked around with name tags, these people would have “self-righteous” on theirs. The thing to remember is that they are not looking for suggestions or solutions; they are recruiting.
These folks can point to various situations, tell you what’s wrong, and explain how they saw it coming, but no one listened.
They often identify any new, attractive addition to the company, team, or group as a potential problem. They tell you how they see through them when no one else does. They offer weak or contrived proof sources to gain your agreement, and when you disagree, they tell you you’re being naive and that it will come back to bite you. Over time, 99.9% of these potential problems never are, but no one remembers (or cares to be petty enough) to point that out.
However, if the shine comes off said newcomer, the “I told you so” is “The shot heard round the world.”
The conversations with these people are recruiting sessions. They’re constantly running people down and looking for agreement. They say things with a hint of truth, so plainly that it seems harmless enough to agree. What you don’t know is that they are taking your agreement, blowing it up like a summer pool raft and floating it as a reason to convince the next person they speak with. “Well, I just spoke with Frank, and he agrees…”
I’ve known a few of these people in my life, and unfortunately, they were in situations that were not easily avoided.
I tried disagreeing, but they only dug in further. I tried brushing their concerns away as not as serious as they thought, and they accused me of putting my head in the sand and not being willing to make hard decisions or have hard conversations. I tried to offer a lesser agreement, saying there may be some truth, but they doubled down and tried to push for total agreement.
When you can’t avoid them, the only strategy I’ve found is calling it out plainly. “Lindsay, you’re trying to get me to agree that Gina is awful, and I don’t think so. Please stop trying to convince me.”
That is usually met with extreme backpedaling. “No, I didn’t mean she is awful. You misunderstand me. I just mean that sometimes she can be difficult. You know how she is.” I must reply, “No, Lindsay, that was not my experience. Let’s move on.”
It’s awkward and uncomfortable, but if you cannot avoid these people, the alternative is to have your silent disagreement misconstrued as tacit support, which is then scattered about, like seeds of discontent sown within your organization. Pulling these weeds isn’t easy. Harder still is pulling them and growing something lovely in their place. Mom always said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” You’ve got to shut them down hard and early.
I’m curious to know if this resonates with you. Do you recognize this personality in any of the people in your life? I’d like to hear about your experience.
Own Your Sales Gene…