#2033 It’s Witchcraft
Today is dedicated to my great friend Bob Kossin. Bob is the embodiment of today’s message.
When it's right, it never looks like anything.
In fact, it's often dismissed but surreptitiously envied.
It isn't the skill they envy, it's the result. A result the envious see as undeserved.
For the uninitiated, it's easy to put aside because the skill is beyond their ken.
Worse still are the pejorative explanations offered out of ignorance. It reminds me of the ancient creation of Gods to explain phenomena beyond one's ability to reason, like a wrathful Zeus throwing lightning bolts at the earth.
"She's a kiss-ass, that's why she got that account." "He makes like he likes everyone, but I know he S-talks us to the boss." "She's so full of it with that vapid smile. I'm not falling for her charm." And on and on it goes.
Remember, it wasn't that long ago that strong, independent women were burned as witches.
Yet it's formulaic and learnable. To those who study and practice, it's deliberate and executed unconsciously. If you are among the modern-day witches:
You can be honest with the people around you, and they feel safe to do the same.
You listen more than you speak and ask high-mileage follow-up questions with a sincere desire to know more.
Your very countenance makes people feel heard and comfortable.
You remember specific things about people and incorporate them to begin conversations facilely and with more meaning.
You consciously and deliberately touch folks regularly without keeping track of when they last called you.
You find ways to include those who are more introverted without adding discomfort, and you consciously bring people together in conversation.
You don't avoid conflict and know that you can have difficult conversations without doing any lasting damage.
Your relationships aren't transactional nor recorded in an imaginary ledger; you give, and you get as easily as the ebb and flow of the tides.
You're authentic in your encounters, and when you're being nice to someone you may not care for, it isn't disingenuous; it's about understanding them better and therefore liking them more.
This brief list is only some of the misunderstood magic you bring. The undervaluing of these "soft skills" still takes me by surprise every time I encounter it. Short of the jealous maligning of these skills, there still exists a nonchalance as to their life-changing capabilities.
Too often, I meet Excel-driven, hard-fact-loving, black-and-white, unnuanced leaders who not only fail to laud these skills in subordinates but instead use their bank balance as ballast to right the argument that their ignorant leadership style is effective and therefore enlightened. But I guess when you're a hammer, your only measure of success is the number of nails you drive, without regard for what you build.
"85% of your financial success is due to your personality and ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead. Shockingly, only 15% is due to technical knowledge."
Carnegie Institute of Technology
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