#2034 E + R = O
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Event plus response equals outcome. The event does not determine the outcome. Our response does. “But Frank, what about a catastrophic event? Like a fire, illness or an accident that hits me hard and leaves me physically impaired for life? What about the death of someone dear to me? Isn’t the event responsible for the outcome?”
Good question. I’m glad you asked. Let me tell you about OMJAR.
OMJAR is a little acronym I created to explain E + R = O.
Occurrence - Something happened. It isn’t imagined; it happened
Meaning - We see it through our lens. We interrupt the event. In fact, two people who simultaneously experience the same occurrence often have two different interpretations. We're bringing all our life experiences to this moment. Triggers and old programming come to bear. We decide if it’s good, bad or benign. This is our first place to have a chance to change the outcome but it's unlikely we will stop and think through this step without lots of practice.
Emotional flood. This is based on step two. One, two and three happen in a nano-second; essentially blurring together. We see it, interrupt it and imbue it with emotion in an instant.
Justification, self-talk. Angel or devil – we unconsciously bring prejudice and programming to bolster our interpretation. Sometimes this happens while we are taking the action. (This is where the opportunity to change the outcome presents.)
Action. We take action based on 1-4
Result Action always produces a result. Desirable or undesirable, intentional or unintentional. (If the result sucks, you can go to step four, take a beat and think differently before taking action.
Your partner gives you a look. You decide it is derisive based on past moments, looks and programming. You get pissed and shout “WTF?”
That’s one, two and three.
Then the rant begins, as you justify your anger based on what you saw (which has history) and what it means and how hurt and marginalized you feel.
You continue to object, maybe even taking a shot at your partner, and then walk out. The result is the two of you aren’t speaking.
Understanding the pattern offers you a chance to change it.
You’ve just been diagnosed with a life-altering disease.
“What did I do to deserve this? This sucks! Now I can’t (fill in the blanks). WTF! I don’t want to see anybody. Just leave me alone!”
You’ve just been diagnosed with a life-altering disease.
This is tough. I’m going to have to make some significant changes if I’m going to live with this. Maybe I can (fill in the blank) regularly with my spouse. We could even include the kids sometimes. Thank God for my family and friends.
Just being aware of the meaning and emotion we pack into things allows us to choose that meaning and emotion. Past programming and self-talk can challenge you but I assure you that you aren’t a nervous person and that you don’t have a bad temper. I promise that you aren’t too shy to advocate for yourself or too young or too old or too rich or too poor or too anything to make new choices. You may have some programmed reactions that feel natural and instinctive, but they’re learned and can be changed if change is what you desire.
I know people in their latter years who continue to respond in appropriately to minor provocations and inconveniences and others the same age, who have put in the work and habits behind that didn’t serve them.
Today I want to convince you that E+R = O. and that R is a variable controlled by you. How did I do?
Own your sales Gene…