#2024 For the Diffident…
Perhaps charisma is an off-putting word. Perhaps you don’t aspire to be charismatic. Maybe charismatic feels too big – too out there. Maybe you like to keep to yourself, and charismatic brings to mind Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers, and that’s not you.
Regardless of the dictionary definition, if the word holds that connotation, it won’t be easily overcome by me in this missive. Instead, let’s speak about emotional intelligence, good physical health, and aging gracefully.
All three are purchasable, though not with a credit card, cash, or Crypto.
Instead, we need to “dollar cost average” our social capital deposits, building reserves like a retirement account.
Following “The Miracle on the Hudson”, Captain “Sully” Sullenberger explained his feat by saying,
“For 42 years, I’ve been making regular deposits in the bank of experience, education, and training. And on January 15th, the balance was sufficient so that I could make a very large withdrawal.”
Dr. Robert Waldinger is the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which began in 1934. It is the longest and most robust study on human health ever done.
That study has determined, scientifically and beyond any doubt, that the quality of your life is dependent upon the quality of your relationships. The quality of your relationships and your sociability have more to do with your health, happiness, and longevity THAN ANY OTHER FACTORS.
So, about being charismatic. You don’t have to be the image that word may bring to mind if it looks like it is outside of the image you want to cultivate for yourself.
Instead, let’s go back to Captain Sully. Make regular deposits in the bank of sociability. Just like your retirement account, social wealth grows through steady deposits, not grand gestures.
Make it a habit to check in on people when there isn’t an occasion or a crisis. Show up when you can, even when it’s easier not to.
Today it’s easier than ever to let someone know you’re thinking of them. Your phone is always with you, and it can email, call, and text.
Remember that while you’re doing this for them, sincerely for them, you’re doing this for you. The Harvard study is irrefutable. In fact, the former surgeon general of the United States, Vivek Murthy, went so far as to say that the loneliness epidemic (escalated by COVID and social media isolation) presents as big a public health problem as obesity or smoking!
I get it if you see charisma as a big personality, and that doesn’t suit you - But this is what you can do.
Engaging people in conversation more often is a best practice. So is smiling and listening. Asking good questions is another best practice, and so is pinging someone, in whatever way works for you, when you see or think of something that reminds you of them.
These small deposits will compound and allow you to live off the interest they throw off for the rest of your long and healthy life.
Own Your Sales Gene…