#2020 Beyond Rich
We are a consumer culture. We make dollars and then spend them on things that we hope will bring us happiness. We toil, earn, and invest with the hope of accumulating enough wealth to allow us to stop toiling and, instead, pursue happiness. Culturally, we’re taught that there’s something special about those who earn lots of money. We admire them, talk about them, and wonder about them. We often wish that we were in their place. Who hasn’t heard of Elon Musk, Warren Buffett, and Jeff Bezos? But what if what we were taught was incorrect? What if Musk, Buffet, and Bezos have accumulated the wrong kind of capital? What if social capital is worth more?
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, an 80+-year study, found that strong social connections are the #1 driver of long-term happiness, health, and longevity, outweighing fame, wealth, or IQ. Quality relationships reduce stress, improve mental health, and act as a buffer against illness, with social fitness—maintaining connections—essential for a longer life.
Lest we read that like we read most things, without deeply registering their meaning, I’ll ask that you read it again.
THE #1 DRIVER OF LONG-TERM HAPPINESS, HEALTH, AND LONGEVITY.
Who’s taking a multivitamin or buying that supplement that promises greater cognition as we age? Who’s wearing copper bracelets and stirring collagen into their tea, hoping for healthier joints and skin?
WHO IS CALLING AND VISITING THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILIES AND CONSCIOUSLY STRENGTHENING SOCIAL CONNECTIONS?
Let’s get the obvious BS out of the way. I love having money. I love not having to choose between groceries and new tires. I love booking a trip without feeling like I have to scrimp on the amenities. I love getting new running shoes when I think it’s time, rather than when the old ones are falling apart, and I’m starting to blister. As Zig said, “I want to have some of the things money can buy and all of the things it can’t.”
What the Harvard study teaches us is that the accumulation of social capital needs the same focus as the accumulation of dollars. They are not mutually exclusive, but just like my Morgan Stanley account, my social capital won’t increase in value unless I invest in it. It grows by making regular deposits, not grand gestures. It’s a text or a call to recognize a moment in someone else’s life. It’s check-ins about nothing. It’s connecting people with resources you have that they might need.
It’s showing up more often than not and then asking questions and listening.
If you are more of an introvert, this can seem daunting. Telling an introvert to invest in social capital is like telling the kid who cuts my lawn to start buying T-Bills.
However, I want to remind the introverts out there that confidence comes after experience, not before. Practicing is the only way to acquire these skills. Jarrod, my lawn guy, may not have $1,000 for a treasury note, but he can set aside a few bucks a week until he does.
It’s the same for introverts. You may not be ready to show up at a networking event with a fistful of business cards, but you can say hi to your neighbor at the grocery store - even when their back is turned, and you could get away with being invisible. You can set a little schedule for yourself to check in with a friend and ask that coworker something personal. Introverts may even have an advantage. With their reticence to speak too much, they are usually better listeners, and listening is a key skill for those with a large amount of social capital.
It can be daunting. Maintaining friendships takes a focused effort and a substantial amount of time. Many of us recognize this formula when it comes to money. We even brag about working sixty- or eighty-hour weeks and hitting big bonuses.
I want us to equate social capital with monetary capital. We should think about what we need to do regularly to cultivate both intimate and casual friendships within and outside our families. I want us to think about the ledger balance of our social capital, the way we think about the balance of our 401(k).
It is that significant. It’s not opinion, it’s science.
THE #1 DRIVER OF LONG-TERM HAPPINESS, HEALTH, AND LONGEVITY.
It’s as easy as texting a funny meme to a friend and as hard as showing up at a wake on a rainy Tuesday night. It’s remembering that someone had surgery and checking in on them, or reading an article and then emailing it to that old friend who shares your interest. It’s believing that these things are not only important, but as vital for long term health as is what we eat and how we move.
I have to assume we’ve all seen It’s a Wonderful Life. Harry, George’s brother, sums it all up at the end of the movie when he raises his glass and says,
A toast to my big brother George- The richest man in town.”
Own Your Sales Gene…