#1178 Overcoming Human Nature

John Kenneth Galbraith said, "Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proving."

Yet, the best of us are often charged with changing noes to yeses regularly.

The first thing that comes to mind is selling.  The Pareto rule states that 20% of the sales team accounts for 80% of a company's sales. I'll bet you that the eighty percenters stop at the first or second 'no' or offer reason after reason to gain agreement, only to have the other person dig in that much more.

Great leaders see fractures between departments and siloed management. They foster open communication and encourage diverse views to create harmonious work environments and productive work cultures.

Galbraith is spot on. When someone is challenged in their thinking, they double down on what they believe is right and begin laying out proof sources (colored by bias) to help you understand just how right they are.

So, if Galbraith is correct, how do the top sales professionals and leaders manage to change minds regularly?

They don't offer a choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so. They inherently know and have the Galbraith quote in their bones.

They employ a Socratic approach, engaging in a manner that shows genuine interest. They ask high-mileage questions, trying to gain a deeper understanding of the other person's perspective. They know where they want to go, but they also know they can't get there without understanding what is behind the reluctance of the other person.

If I want to get to my friend's house but the police have closed down the closest entrance to his street, I can go up to the barricade, complain, and try to bull my way in, but I'll likely fail. Or I can take the detour, which will take much longer and require more turns, but in the end, I will get to my friend's without angering the cops.

I can't bust through the barricade without getting arrested, and similarly, if I storm off and speed through the twists and turns of the detour, I'll probably get a ticket or maybe even get in an accident.

If I know the police chief, I can get him on the speakerphone and force the cop to let me through, but how will I fare next time I encounter that same officer when I roll through a stop sign or do 40 in a school zone?

Asking good questions to change an opinion or overcome a no is like that barricade. The destination is within reach, and the address remains the same, but the route requires a slow roll. There are no shortcuts.  Great communicators have the patience to stay in the conversation. They have an idea of the outcome they want, but not exactly what it will be or the path to get there.

Long before Galbraith, St Francis said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

It's a very difficult and time-consuming endeavor. Especially when you know you're right. Parents who want to raise capable kids do this all the time. They ask questions to allow the kid to arrive at the correct decision. Unless you're in a war zone or are a first responder, ordering someone to do something is usually lazy management. Without understanding why someone is opposed to what they're being told to do, you run the risk of having to ask for the same things over and over.

Digging in with questions and arriving at a decision together gets the other person to own the decision, and that's much stickier.

We learn from the questions we ask, not the answers we give, and it is in that learning that we can attempt to effect change.

Own Your Sales Gene…