#1193 Suffering
The Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca said, "He who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than necessary."
I like stoic philosophy and find that the term has morphed a bit since Epictetus, Marcus Aurilis, and Seneca. Today, it has a connotation of being stone-faced and emotionless, but the little I know of Stoic philosophy is that it is not so much emotionless but rather temperate. They considered maintaining one's character in the face of conditions that would strip lesser people or theirs.
They were the original "respond", don't react" crowd.
Recently, a friend of mine called to tell me that his daughter received less-than-good news from her pediatrician. He said, "She immediately went down a rabbit hole of worst-case scenarios, and I can't get her out of it."
I know many people who catastrophize. I always thought it was a way to defend their fragile psyche. In my simplistic mind, they were imagining the worst so that any news would be a relief. But what I found was that those folks, upon receiving slightly better news, found the worst-case scenario relating to that news, too.
It is as though to imagine anything better is heresy; like the universe had prescribed their extreme suffering.
Mark Twain said, "I am an old man, and I have known many troubles, but most of them never happened."
It's hard not to worry – especially about your child. I told my friend to try to relate to his daughter that by worrying so much about the future, she is creating a worse outcome in the present. She is literally guaranteeing depression in the present in exchange for a future depression that may never come to pass. Stoicism, for me, boils down to being present and recognizing that worry about things beyond our control is senseless. I can worry about the floods insofar as I can put out sandbags. That isn't worrying; that's anticipating and acting.
The Serenity Prayer echoes these sentiments by teaching its readers to have the strength to change what they can, not worry about what they can't, and have the wisdom to know the difference.
Of course, that's the big deal, right? Knowing the difference is hard. I can see when you're doing it, and you can see when I am, but it's hard to read the label when you're inside the jar. It's difficult to recognize and accept that over which we don't have control but that is where peace lies.
Going back to the opening, think about the wisdom of suffering before it's necessary, and this habit folks have of catastrophizing. If you're in that camp, think about how it serves you, and before you answer that, think about what it's taken from you. Do the scales balance?
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