In my seminars I often grab a volunteer and put them in the front of the room as my model. I ask them to think of two people; one that they love with all of their heart and one that they loathe. Then, while they face the group, I ask, “Of the two people you have in your mind, which one is taller?” The audience and I wait a beat and watch the volunteer. “Which one lives closer to you?” Again, we wait a few seconds and watch the volunteer. “Which one is older?” and so on. They speak no words, they just think of the one who is taller, lives closer etc. The group, almost 100% of the time, knows whether the love or loathe relationship is taller, lives closer etc. That is calibration. It is reading nuances in the color, breathing, body posture and micro expressions of the person you are communicating with.
The thing with calibration is this. You need to get to the level of unconscious competence to use it well. Learning takes place in four steps:
1. Unconscious incompetence; you don’t know that you don’t know.
2. Conscious incompetence; you know that you don’t know. You become aware of something you want to learn.
3. Conscious competence; you know that you know. You’ve learned something and are consciously doing it
4. Unconscious competence; this is mastery. You do it without thinking. Like moving your foot from the gas to the brake pedal to slow down or eating with a fork.
In terms of all of the communication tools we’ve reviewed over the past weeks like calibration, matching, mirroring, foot movement, language preferences, etc. all of this needs to get to the mastery level to be really useful. You can’t focus on micro expressions and listen well at the same time. With practice, however, you can listen well and take in micro expressions.
Own your sales gene…