#673 Happiness is an inside job

Posted by frank August - 31 - 2015 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

“If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem”  Richard Bach

Think for a minute about what brings you down and makes you feel sad or angry.  Think about what’s between you and being happy?

If the only answers you can come up with are things other people must do or change then you do have a problem because what anyone else does is beyond your control.

I learned in NLP that I can’t set a goal that is outside of my direct control.  For example, setting a goal as admirable as “I am going to make sure my child gets an A in math” won’t work because it is ultimately beyond my control.  Can I help?  Yes.  Can I influence?  Yes.  I can hire a tutor, buy study guides, and practice with her nightly but in the end, SHE has to get the A.  Not me.

It’s like that with the Bach quote.  People definitely “happen to us” all day and churlish people can certainly influence your mood.  But mood is not happiness; it’s mood and that’s transient.  A good song on the radio or a new pair of shoes can elevate your mood but happiness is made of deeper things like faith, strong family relationships and feeling and focusing on gratitude.  People and things may influence your moods but ultimately you are responsible for your happiness

2015 Motto: Life is choice.  Your very next moment can be different if you choose it to be.”

#672 You Haven’t Earned the Right

Posted by frank August - 24 - 2015 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

We all know the story of the boy who cried wolf and the classic lesson it teaches.

In life that lesson is embedded in other interactions as well and leaders, in any capacity, would be wise to pay attention to it.

 If you constantly point to what’s wrong people begin to turn a deaf ear to your complaints.  If you worry, out loud, about mundane things, we won’t hear the alarm when you offer us something to really be concerned about.

I love the phrase, “you’ve got to earn the right.”  If you’ve offered me encouragement, complimented some good work and given constructive criticism, you’ve “Earned the right” stop me cold on something you see that I am dead wrong about but if you pick, pick, pick, not only won’t I stop on your signal, I will do everything I can to avoid showing you what I’m going.

If you are managing people, or raising children, or nurturing a relationship, a good mix is five to one.  Point out five good things before you criticize one bad thing.  The pointing out of the good things is how you “Earn the right” to correct and be heard.

2015 Motto: Life is choice.  Your very next moment can be different if you choose it to be.

 

 

#671 The Worst day EVER!!!

Posted by frank August - 17 - 2015 - Monday 1 COMMENT

This may be the smartest thing I have ever read.  My Beautiful Christine made me aware of this amazing story in the news knowing I would want to share it with you. 

Chanie Gorkin, a 17-year-old about to enter the 12th grade at the Lubavitch high school Beth Rivkah, originally wrote the poem entitled “Worst Day Ever?” for an assignment at school

The complex poem contains a surprise. From top to bottom it reads negatively, but when read in reverse the message drastically changes.

The poem reads:

Today was the absolute worst day ever And don’t try to convince me that There’s something good in every day Because, when you take a closer look, This world is a pretty evil place. Even if Some goodness does shine through once in a while Satisfaction and happiness don’t last. And it’s not true that It’s all in the mind and heart Because True happiness can be attained Only if one’s surroundings are good It’s not true that good exists I’m sure you can agree that The reality Creates My attitude It’s all beyond my control And you’ll never in a million years hear me say Today was a very good day

Now read it from bottom to top, the other way, And see what I really feel about my day.

2015 Motto: Life is Choice.  Your very next moment can be different if you choose it to be.

#670 Setting Expectations

Posted by frank August - 10 - 2015 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

I like to jog and I make sure I get out a few times a week. I usually go for 40-60 minutes depending on the day and what trail I choose.  What I’ve noticed is that I am spent during the last 5-10 minutes of my run.  During that home stretch I am ready to be done, thinking only about getting back to the car and my big jug of water.  This happens during the last 5-10 minutes regardless of the length of the run.

What I think is happening here is that when I start out for a 40 minute run my mind sets that expectation and programs me to be tired (aren’t we supposed to be tired at the end?) and I am tired after just 30 minutes but when I set out to run for an hour, my mental expectation changes.  My mind knows, without consciously revealing it to me, that if I allow myself to feel tired only 30 minutes in to a 60 minute run, I might quit before it’s over.

Expectations make a huge difference in outcomes in every aspect of our lives.

2015 Motto: “Life is choice.  Your very next moment can be different if you choose it to be”

 

#659 I’ve Failed…Again

Posted by frank August - 3 - 2015 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

This week I failed.  I got two good runs in but that’s where it ends.  Zero gym time.  Zero machines, Zero weightlifting.  I didn’t do a single sit up or leg raise.  So here I am on Sunday night, planning my week and sitting (almost drowning!) in the depth of my failure.  I’ll sit in it a bit more and allow it to engulf me; just enough to sicken me sufficiently to rebound this week.  I won’t let it define me.  I’m not a loser.  I won’t allow it to dominate my mood.  I’ll just suck enough of the foul air of it to make me want to bust through the cloud in to clearer skies.

That’s the great thing about life if you don’t let it get you down.  You can lay your head on the pillow tonight filled with angst, fear or failure and decide that tomorrow will be NONE of the same.  And guess what?  If it doesn’t work tomorrow you can lay your head on the pillow again, feely badly, and decide that the next tomorrow will be different, yet again. 

2015 Motto:  “Life is choice.  Your very next moment can be different if you choose it to be”

#658 Don’t be that Guy!

Posted by frank July - 27 - 2015 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t be that guy. Whether it      is with your family, friends, business associates or customers, don’t be      that guy.  Don’t be the guy who says      buy today or the price goes away; unless it really does.  There are legitimate sales out there      with beginnings and endings.   Don’t      be the guy who bully’s people in to decisions because he senses a      weakness.  Eventually you will find      your self avoided.  Don’t be that      guy who lies to get what he wants, truth has a way of coming to      light.  You may get away with it a      few times but eventually a life built of manipulative lies will      crumble.  Don’t be that guy with an      answer for everything.  Sometimes,      the answer should come from the questioner and I don’t know is perfectly      acceptable when YOU DON’T KNOW!       Break the mold.  Listen more      than you speak.  Ask questions      designed to get people to open up and get to the core of the issue.  Be sincerely interested in helping and      always present yourself in that light.       There are people you cannot help.       So walk away with a promise to stay in touch and to be available if      things should change.  What kind of      a selling career do you think you will build if the sales you make are      good for you but not for your client?       What kind of life do you think you will build if all of your      machinations are designed with only you in mind?  On both counts I can tell you,      certainly, you will build a life of shallow, short term bursts of pleasure      without ever reaching that deep quiet space of contentment.  Don’t be that guy

2015 Motto:  “Life is choice.  Your very next moment can be different if you choose it to be”

#657 Chi Causa del suo male piage se stesso

Posted by frank July - 20 - 2015 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

Chi causa del suo male piage se stesso.  This literally translates to The ones that cause their own hurt cry for themselves.

One day as I was sitting in my kitchen I heard a fly buzzing at the window.  He would fly about for a moment and then try to fly through the glass to the world he saw outside.  Then, he’d bump up against it a few times, fly around the window a bit more and then fly straight into the glass pane again.  Bzzzzz bump, Bzzzzz bump over and over until, eventually, you vacuum up his  carcass from the window sill.  What the fly didn’t realize was that if he just backed up a bit to see the bigger picture, the sliding door, a few feet away from that window, was ajar and offered an easy escape route to the outside.  He never saw it.  Instead he just kept buzzing around the window and trying to fly through the glass over and over and would continue that until he fell, exhausted  on the sill no doubt crying over his own hurt.  He wouldn’t lay there and think, Why didn’t a try another route?  He wouldn’t lay there and think, why didn’t I look for a mentor or a helping hand?  (Actually he wouldn’t lie there and think at all, he’s a freakin fly!)  But if he could think, he would probably be thinking of some version of Life sucks and then you die.  Or why do things like this always happen to me?  Or why are all THOSE flies out there enjoying dog poop and road kill while I’m stuck on this window sill waiting to be vacuumed up with the dead bee next me!
Since he couldn’t see the solution or ask for guidance, I got up and ushered him with my hand away from the window and a few feet to the right and he flew out to freedom.
Don’t get vacuumed up with the rest of the corpses of failure who blame the impenetrable window but never see the door and worse, don’t look outside of themselves for a helping hand.  Chi causa del suo male piage se stesso.
2015 Motto:  “Life is choice.  Your very next moment can be different if you choose it to be”

Drop me naked in the Desert and I’ll Sell Something is the title of the new sales  CD I am scheduled to record this month.  Here is an excerpt from the introduction.  Let me know what you think.

 I HATE the stereotyping of salespeople.  Think of it this way; think of any ethnic stereotyping.  Is it fair?  Are there entire groups of people who are abusive, rude, dirty, careless, slow, devious, or untrustworthy just because they share a particular ancestry, religion, skin tone, or dress?  And if you’re one of those people who smirks and says ‘stereotypes are based on something…” then bring my CD back to where you bought it and get a refund because you are too ignorant to understand the rest of it.

I enjoyed Tommy-Boy as much as the next guy but to say that Chris Farley as Tommy-Boy is a depiction of a professional salesperson is like saying that Joe Pesce in My Cousin Vinny is an accurate reflection of a professional criminal attorney.  Sales has become a dirty word in our society with  too many caricatures depicting slimy salespeople lying and manipulating other people for their own gain and the other person’s loss.  That’s not sales.  In my world, the one I am in and I want to give you the keys to with this recording, selling is helping and while I will focus on the profession of selling, make no mistake; sales skills are among the most important skills you can possess in life, period.  Your vet sells you on using heartworm meds for your dog, the defense lawyer sells the innocence of his client to the jury,  the president sells healthcare reform to the population, and the parent sells his child on the importance of reading. Selling is universal and really is the oldest profession .

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

2015 Motto:  “Life is choice.  Your very next moment can be different if you choose it to be”

#655 Who are you Fooling?

Posted by frank July - 6 - 2015 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

On Thursday, the train was over-crowded and I was not able to get in to the quiet car as I usually do.  Though I was trying to read, I had trouble blocking out the conversation a couple of twenty somethings were carrying on right behind me.  Evidently they were both newly minted financial salespeople and were serving their apprenticeship at a large institution.  Their job is, alternately, to do research on the computer and to make calls to find perspective new clients for the tenured brokers at the firm.

“Dude, I let the guy’s voice mail play and then listen to the dead air for like 5 minutes without leaving a message so I don’t have to make another call!  Phil has no idea.  He just sees a phone on my ear and thinks I’m banging out a million calls.”  Then the other kid chimed in; “Ha that’s great!  John is so lame I’m sitting there reading the sports section of The Wall Street Journal but he sees Wall Street Journal on my screen and thinks I’m working!”

I know that these kids get paid commission for finding business.  So, really, who are they fooling?

Time and time again I see people doing the least they can to sustain their jobs rather than doing more than is asked of them.  The great Jim Rohn talked about our value to the marketplace.  He said, “You don’t make $15.00 an hour.  You aren’t paid for the hour; you’re paid for the value you bring for that hour.”

 Is it possible to bring enough value to be worth $150, $1,500 or $15,000 for that same hour?  Of course it is and it begins by embracing that philosophy.  You don’t get paid for the time.  You get paid for the value you give during that time.

2015 Motto:  “Life is choice.  Your very next moment can be different if you choose it to be”

#654 Yelling and Demanding will get results

Posted by frank June - 29 - 2015 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

Demands will get you results.  In fact, I have witnessed people scrambling around, trying to tidy up and get things right because Mr. Demanding is looming close by.

They run, they quiver, they angst, they do whatever they can to avoid his wrath. 

I think it’s easy to be Mr. D.  I think it’s lazy to be Mr. D.  I think it’s thoughtless and selfish to be Mr. D., though I admit, it can be an effective way to get immediate results.

I can certainly call a business or grab an employee and blast them for whatever bad service they’ve rendered and threaten to throw them out if it isn’t resolved in 10 minutes and they will react quickly.

 I can also lead with a compliment, listen with understanding, and get a good result for now and a reputation that will get me better long-term service albeit not as quickly.  Sometimes, the person giving the service comes from a place that requires me to have a firmer hand and sometimes I have to part company with that service or person but I find that out by having the patience to try to lead with kindness first.

If you put a cajoler head to head with a demander the demander will get faster results 99% of the time.  People look to avoid pain quickly. Knowing this Machiavellians will say that this is the course to follow and, for immediate results, I cannot argue with them.  However as I look back on my life and picture a long trail of interactions I have had I don’t want to see it strewn with the dismembered bodies of those I have sacrificed to get my results.

2015Motto…“Life is choice.  Your very next moment can be different if you choose it to be”