Archive for January, 2017

#746 Think before you ask

Posted by frank January - 30 - 2017 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

A quick bit on the subconscious mind

In sales I teach people to ask questions and listen. Prompted with good questions, people would rather convince themselves than to have you convince them. In selling, asking good questions helps to lead people to a result that’s good for them and for you.

Your subconscious mind works the same way.

If you ask yourself why you suck at something your brain will come up with a host of reasons why you suck.
Ask yourself why you’re being left out or important conversations at work and your brain will throw a litany of self-defeating reasons your way.

What makes this so debilitating is that you will believe all of these unflattering answers about you because YOU came up with them!

When you ask better questions you get better results.

This goes for anytime you need to be a convincer but most importantly it goes for you and your subconscious.

This is the primary reason goal setting works. Done properly, setting a goal is done in a way that keeps that goal in the front of your mind. Your mind is constantly asking questions about this thing that is so prominent. With that much attention, answers to help you toward that goal begin to appear.

So rather than ask yourself why you wont succeed or why you’re so bad at something or why people don’t respond to you the way you’d like, reframe the questions. Ask yourself, how can I get this done? What would (name a mentor) do in this situation? What can I do to engage my team in more lively discussions? When you ask the right questions, the right answers will appear.

2017 Motto: Daily disciplines create desired outcomes

#745 Rude is Rude

Posted by frank January - 23 - 2017 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

Rude is Rude

• Announcing that “What I am about to say may sound rude but…”doesn’t make you less rude.
• Asking if you can be “totally honest here” is not a license to be insulting.
• Warning me that what your about to say “might sound harsh” does not give you the right to speak harshly.
• Saying, “I don’t mean to be difficult” means your about to be difficult.
• Saying “I don’t want to be critical here” means you are about to criticize me or my project.
• Prefacing your insult with “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way” doesn’t make you any less insulting.
• Telling me you are “just being real” doesn’t give you a pass on the content of your language.
• Brutal and honest have no relationship to one and other.

There are no free passes. Throwing out these qualifiers so that you can be indelicate doesn’t soften the blow to the person you are smacking with your words.
Real forethought about how to deliver your message will help you get your message through. In NLP we live by this phrase: “The result of your communication IS its meaning”

When I stand at your front door I can look around for the bell or knocker (even though sometimes they’re not obvious) and ring or knock, wait for the door to open, and for you to invite me in. Conceivably, I can also use a battering ram, knock down the door and let myself in.

Either way I am inside but I believe I am in a better position to communicate and be heard when I take the time to locate the bell, ring it once or twice, and wait for you to invite me in.

2017 Motto: Daily disciplines create desired outcomes

#744 Pattern Interrupt

Posted by admin January - 17 - 2017 - Tuesday ADD COMMENTS

A miasma of of manner-less misogyny hung in the air as I watched an old, gin blossomed, Brit dismiss the inquiry’s of his timid wife with no more thought that you would give to shooing an annoying kitten mewing at you for more milk. Still, she persisted, pleasantly trying to engage him in conversation but his answers were curt and left no doubt that he found her annoying.

They were seated next to me at an outdoor dining area in my hotel and I was having mental images of leaning in close to him and telling him, through gritted teeth, to be a little nicer. You see, Frankie from Staten Island is always just beneath the surface and while I can mostly control these age old imprinted urges they still exist.

When the waitress asked his name and room number he said Martin, 827. That gave Frankie a new idea He thought we might wander over to the bar and order a Macallan 25, year old…DOUBLE and tell the bartender, “Martin, 827” I figured that would set the old bastard back $150 bucks or so and he bloodily well deserved it!

Instead, I put Frankie from SI away and went with a pattern interrupt, turning to them with a smile and asking how they were enjoying their holiday. She lit up like Christmas tree and told me all about their time in St Martin and her couple of days in Miami, where we were now sitting The old Brit joined in and before long we were all having a jolly good talk about vacations, restaurants, and Travel. When I left they were smiling and enjoying their lunch.

Maybe he was just hungry or maybe he’d gotten up on the wrong side of the bed but whatever it was, his ship seemed righted for the moment.

There was a time, not too long ago, when The fake bar charge would have been a foregone conclusion and a nasty comment to the old coot was the the minimum I would have done. Minding my own business in the face of perceived injustice has never been my strong suit but thankfully I’ve learned to use some new tools to help me fix what looks to me to need fixing.

As I was heading out I glanced back and they seemed to be chatting nicely which felt pretty good. Still, as I rounded the bar, a voice in my head with a thick NYC accent, told me that The Macallan would have gone down pretty smoothly too…

Frank
2017 Motto: “Daily disciplines create desired outcomes”

#743 React or Respond

Posted by frank January - 9 - 2017 - Monday ADD COMMENTS

Welcome to all of the new subscribers from the Middletown Library Goal-Setting event.  I am so glad to have you on board!
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It’s never about what is going on around you or to you; only what is going on inside of you. 
Do you react or respond?  When adverse things happen to you, you can react in frustration and find people to blame.  You can dial up the ferocity and spread it like Typhoid Mary, infecting everyone with whom you have contact, or… you can respond. 
 
Reacting takes zero thought.  In fact, it’s thoughtless. 
 
Responding seems tougher in the moment but is, ultimately, easier because you don’t have to repair the damage caused by your virulence.
 
Some of you are thinking, “I can’t help it.  That’s just how I’m wired.” 
 
I disagree.  I believe behaviors are learned.  I believe we employ them as strategies, because they’ve worked for us in some way throughout our lives.  I also believe we need to outgrow some of them but don’t always realize it.  Life and the world around us change over time.  What once may have been an effective, or at least accepted, response no longer is.  If you’re still throwing temper tantrums, and spewing vitriol every time the world frustrates you, it time to employ a new behavior.   What may seem to offer a short term fix is really bringing you, and those around you, long term pain.
 
React or Respond.  It is a choice; your choice.
 
2017 Motto: “Daily disciplines create desired outcomes”

#742 Choose Your Response

Posted by frank January - 3 - 2017 - Tuesday ADD COMMENTS

My motto for 2017 is Daily disciplines create desired outcomes

Let me ask you a question; Are you willing to give up what you want now for what you want most? As a former smoker I can tell you that I often gave in to what I wanted now (a smoke) and forsook what I wanted most (good health)

Dieters want to be thinner but sometimes have difficulty passing up the snack they want now for the healthier body they want most.

At this time of year, many of us are making resolutions and setting goals. At vision of the future can be realized or remain just a vision.

The difference between dreaming and setting and achieving goals is that goal achievement requires a plan and a plan requires daily action.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Daily disciplines create desired outcomes

I wish you a wildly successful 2017 filled with health, happiness and all good things.

2017 Motto: Daily disciplines create desired outcomes